Spend your time and money on what you really want

Design blogs that feature flawlessly-styled homes literally quicken my pulse. When my children are comfortably tucked into their beds at night, I often settle in front of my computer to get my daily fix. I practically drool over the bedroom with matching mirrored side tables and bold ginger jar lamps. I marvel at the perfectly-dressed bed with coordinating fabrics and mounds of graphic pillows.

As much as I‘d like to believe that these images inspire me, the truth is that they often rob me of my time and create a feeling of discontentment. I find myself sizing up my own bedroom, where the linens (in my often unmade bed) don’t match and my side table is a repository for household flotsam, such as Matchbox cars and rumpled burp cloths.

I may not like to admit it, but the blogs I frequent create an insatiable craving, a boundless appetite for design nirvana. Even if I could manage to pull off a bedroom with a seamless look, I know the desire for perfection probably wouldn’t end. I’d feel compelled to move onto the rest of the house and then outside to the garden. The cycle of chasing flawlessness would continue, as I’d likely only be satisfied with what I have until I saw something better.

While I place value on living in a beautiful and restful home, perfection isn’t one of my goals. (It can’t be in a home with one dog, three chickens, and four children.) Still, when I allow discontentment to creep into my life, it distracts me from what is truly important to me. I know firsthand how easy it is to spend my time and money on things that won’t help me to achieve what I really want.

Limiting the amount of time I devote to reading blogs is an important step in making me more content. Instead of pining for what I don’t have, it’s much wiser and more productive to plan for what I want in budget-friendly ways. For example, I can create the beauty I desire in my bedroom by clearing the clutter from my side table and filling a bud vase with a few flower stems. Even a new paint color, which requires a relatively small investment of my time and money, could totally change the look and feel of my bedroom.

It’s helps to be intentional in other ways, too. Maybe you want to upgrade to a lighter mountain bike, for example. If you can’t afford to buy a new bike right now, spending all your free time at the bike shop looking at the newest bikes will only fuel discontent. However, you can draw on your love of biking by finding new or more challenging trails to ride. And, for now, you could set a smaller goal to buy a new bike accessory that fits into your budget and that helps you enjoy your current bike as much as possible.

If you’re eagerly longing to buy something right now, take time to break down the desire. First, ask yourself why you want it. A closer look might reveal that you’re more taken with the fantasy of buying something new than with the object itself. How many times have you bought something that you just had to have, only to find that the thrill of it didn’t last long?

Second, ask yourself if what you want –a new home, a vacation, the latest electronic gadget—will make your life easier or better. If you’ve answered yes to both questions, create a realistic savings plan. In the meantime, if a feeling of discontentment lingers, make a list of things you have now that you are grateful for.

After all, gratitude doesn’t cost a thing.

How to make the most of summer

Have you ever been in a crowded room when suddenly it’s as though everything stops as you hear someone say your name? Why does all the other noise wash over you, but your name is audible among the din of the crowd? It’s not just coincidence, but a highly specialized mechanism working in your brain.

At the base of your brain stem, you have a group of cells that sorts and evaluates incoming data. This control center is known as the reticular activating system, or RAS. Your RAS works like a filter, sending urgent information to the active part of your brain and sending the rest to your subconscious. My RAS allows my baby’s cries to rouse me from sleep, for example, but lets me block out other non-essential noises, such as a snoring basset hound.

You might think of your RAS as an executive assistant for your mind, determining which messages will receive your full attention and which you’ll ignore. On one hand, your RAS protects you, helping to prevent sensory overload. (I’d go nuts if I wasn’t able to tune out the dog’s snores.) But it can also keep you from paying attention to things that may be important to you, such as goals you want to achieve. Still, you can “retrain” your mind’s executive assistant by telling your brain precisely what you want to focus on.

This summer, my husband and I plan to “retrain” our brains with what I have dubbed “Our Summer Manifesto.” Too often, house and yard projects consume our money and our time; I want this year to be different. I want to be intentional with our resources and plan for fun so that summer doesn’t just slip away from us. By putting our summer goals in writing, we’re literally sending a message to ourselves that says, “Pay attention. This is important.”

Interestingly, the word manifesto comes from the Latin manifestus, which means “evident to the senses; apparent to the mind; easily apprehensible.” By definition, a manifesto will keep our summer goals at the forefront of our minds.

To make our manifesto more obvious, I wrote our summer ideas on poster board in large, colorful letters. Next to each item on our list, I drew a one- by one-inch square so that we have the joy of checking it off when we’ve completed it. When I tacked the finished chart up on the wall, everyone (even those who can’t read) buzzed with excitement. Amazingly, the majority of items on our list are simple pleasures that require more planning than money.

Our summer list includes making homemade fruit popsicles, water gun fights, grilling peaches, making homemade ice cream, sipping wine on the front porch, camping in the backyard, eating the zucchini before they’re the size of small children, building a chicken coop, bringing in fresh flowers from the garden, creating art outside with our children, inviting friends over to roast hot dogs and play bocce ball, and perfecting a grilled pizza.

We haven’t set dates for completing the items on our list, but this isn’t necessary because we’ve stimulated our RAS. When we see “eat zucchini” on the list as we go by the back door, we’ll be more inclined to pick the prolific vegetables when we are working in the garden. When I’m at the store and see peaches are on sale, I’ll remember that grilled fruit is on the manifesto, and I’ll buy them.

And, by summer’s end, my manifesto full of check marks will remind me of all the pleasures I took time to enjoy with family and friends.

Involve children in meal planning to make the most of your food budget

My children will eat anything that grows in our garden. By mid June, they beg me to let them eat sugar snap peas from the vine. They snatch carrots from between the tines of the pitchfork, chomping on the thick, dirt-covered roots before I can encourage them to rinse their bounty under the garden hose. The novelty of eating chive blossoms makes them forget that they might not otherwise enjoy the taste of onions.

Getting our children involved in the garden makes them enthusiastic about eating fresh produce. It’s not only good for them, but it also saves us a significant amount of money. Succession-planting a $2 package of seeds will give us snap peas all summer long. By comparison, snap peas at the grocery store cost approximately $4 a pound. We easily eat a pound of them a week, which would cost us over $50 if we bought them at the store instead of growing our own.

A garden may not be practical—or even possible—for everyone, but it is important to get children interested in what they’re eating. When it comes to food, if you don’t capture their attention, specialized food advertising campaigns will. According to the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, advertisers spend an estimated $4.5 billion on youth-targeted promotions every year and an additional $3 billion on packaging specifically designed for children. Food marketers target children as a means to build brand recognition. In turn, children use this recognition to influence what their parents buy. Has your child ever pleaded for a sugary cereal he or she saw advertised on TV? If so, you’ve experienced the power of marketing to children.

You can counter this trend and stretch your food dollars if you can get out in front of marketing messages. The key to doing this is to present children with choices that have parameters you set. For example, take advantage of a toddler’s desire to help by allowing him or her to choose fresh produce. If seedless grapes and apples are on sale, ask your child which one he or she would rather have. Then give your child the tactile experience of picking up the fruit or vegetables you choose together and putting them in the bag.

Let your children pitch in with food preparation, too. My 5-year-old can peel potatoes and carrots almost entirely unassisted. With a little help, my 4-year-old can crack eggs and handle a whisk. Even our 2-year-old enjoys helping in the kitchen, always willing to stir or dump anything he can get his hands on. Time together in the kitchen builds kids’ confidence and gives you a chance to teach smart eating habits, basic cooking techniques, and even simple math skills.

As children get older, you can turn over more food planning and preparation responsibilities to them. Give them a budget and allow them to choose and buy ingredients for a meal. Be available to answer their questions, but let them handle all the preparation and clean-up duties. As they grow more comfortable making food choices and honing their cooking skills, let them cook a meal on the same day every week. Children who get to help prepare foods are more likely to eat them – and less food is likely be rejected by picky eaters. You get a night off from cries of “What’s for dinner?” and a grocery budget that you know has been carefully spent on food you and your children will enjoy.

Effort to cultivate good relationships has rich rewards.

For seven years, I’ve been meeting once a month with the same group of women. We share a meal, play a game, and catch up on what’s been happening in our lives. It’s a diverse group of women of varying ages and economic means. Some have grown grandchildren, and some, like me, are raising young families. Some are retired, and others are still building careers. What we all have in common, though, is a desire to carve out time for this community of friends. Even when I have to juggle childcare and handle the duties of hosting the group myself, I always end up feeling rejuvenated by the end of the evening.
Scientists in the field of positive psychology are digging up hard data that confirms a being part of community is an important element in finding happiness. One study concluded that being part of a group of friends that meets once a month has the same psychological effect as doubling your income.

It’s hard to imagine exactly how I’d feel if I doubled my income. But I do know that meeting with this group of women makes me happy. According to University of California psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, 40 percent of our happiness is a result of making intentional choices, like choosing to be part of a community such as the one I describe. On the other hand, just 10 percent of happiness is connected to life circumstances, says Lyubomirsky.

Happiness isn’t the only benefit of community, however. Being an active part of a community has practical rewards. I recently had the pleasure of connecting with a fellow gardener I’d never met before. I spent a lovely afternoon learning about new plant varieties and seeing how to create a beautiful, low-maintenance garden design. I gained practical knowledge, a new friend, and eight boxes of transplants that would have cost me hundreds of dollars at a nursery. I happily spent an evening planting all my newfound greenery, and my beds will fill in with a wealth of new young trees, shrubs and flowers.

Community not only makes our gardens more beautiful, but can make our lives easier, too. For example, in our development, we have a neighbor who has been plowing our driveway for the last several years. He’s also used his auger to drill holes for a fence we made from reclaimed cedar that we got from another neighbor. Fortunately for me, both of these neighbors have an extraordinary fondness for homemade banana bread. I bake for them in exchange for the assistance and materials they give us. The relationships we’ve developed have been a tremendous help to us – and saved us money - in many circumstances.

Building relationships takes effort, particularly in a culture where we rely on one-line updates and text messages to communicate with one another. But taking the time to be part of a community, to invest in one another, makes good sense. It requires making choices about how and with whom you spend your time, but the effort to cultivate good relationships has rich rewards. Money is essential for paying the bills, but it can’t buy the emotional support, sense of camaraderie and practical, budget-stretching help of a close friend or good neighbor.

Complaining with purpose makes good financial sense

Our 5-year-old is funny and bright, generous and compassionate, but she also tends to be a complainer. Her socks are too loose. Her hangnail is keeping her awake. She doesn’t want to eat a sandwich for lunch two days in a row.

As her parents, we want to teach her that if she is going to complain, she should do so with purpose. We often remind her that she will get the best results when she can clearly explain the problem and suggest a solution. It sounds simple, but it takes hard work and consistency to parent this way.

Complaining with purpose isn’t always easy in my own life, either. Sometimes, this is because I’m complacent, or I don’t want to take the time to do it. Or maybe I just don’t feel like rocking the proverbial boat. The fact is, though, that complaining with purpose often makes good financial sense.

Recently, when a handle broke on a nearly-new enamel teapot, I e-mailed the company to explain the situation and ask for a replacement part. Within a day of my inquiry, I got a response from the customer service department informing me that the company did not have handle replacements. Nevertheless, if I would provide proof of purchase, the company would replace my teapot at no cost to me.

This experience taught me I shouldn’t assume I’m stuck when a product doesn’t live up to my expectations. I didn’t have to invest very much time, and I ended up getting a brand new tea kettle that would have cost $30 in a retail store.

Of course, these types of situations don’t always end so easily or favorably. When my computer started browsing painfully slowly, I contacted my Internet service provider to troubleshoot the problem. I spent hours on the phone running speed tests and adjusting settings, only to get routed to advanced technical support, where I was instructed to run still more tests.

This went on for weeks. Eventually, technical support services determined that I needed a new router, which would arrive in three to five business days. When it didn’t arrive as promised, I called the company again, only to be told that the router I needed was on back order. The representative assured me that the company would ship the router as soon as it was available.

At this point, I’d grown so frustrated that I reluctantly asked to speak to a supervisor. I recounted my story and asked the supervisor to credit me one month of service and to overnight a router as soon as it was available. After reviewing my account, he agreed to call me every two days until the situation was resolved. He called me when he said he would, and the modem arrived within three days of our conversation.

Complaining with purpose, especially when done with tact, helps you get results and can save you money. If you have a problem, take the time to contact the company and explain the issue in as much detail as possible. Suggest specific ways the company can fix the problem, but be willing to accept an alternative, too.

You won’t always find a perfect resolution to your problem, and you will need to decide how much time a situation warrants. It may not be worth your time to complain about a sleeve of mini donuts (It was to my husband, who got a coupon in the mail for another sleeve of said mini donuts), but getting a broken appliance fixed or a part replaced can leave you with much-needed extra cash in your wallet. And that’s something you won’t complain about.

CCCS/ACCE –American Center for Credit Education
Carey Denman